allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
