the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
