If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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