I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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