For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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