There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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