He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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