He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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