Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
