I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
