My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
