Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
