at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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