White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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