I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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