Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
