a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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