So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
