we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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