why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
