Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
