so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
