Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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