If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
