i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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