Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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