So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
