we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
