Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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