your parents love me but you hate me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
