god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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