you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
