I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
