Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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