This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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