I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
