you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
