HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
