Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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