I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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