In the future we'll all be gay
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
