Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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