the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
