he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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