i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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