I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
