We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
