She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
