I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
