Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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