we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
