my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
