Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
