She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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