I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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