I like to think it a success when the cops are called
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
