two words: eviction party
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
