I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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