OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
