I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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