that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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