I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
