Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
