I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
