i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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